Tag Archives: Assassination City Roller Derby

OFFSKATES WORKOUT WITH ACRD

I had the privilege of guest-coaching an off-skates workout for my beloved Assassination City Roller Derby recently, and I wanted to make it available for anyone to do at home. This circuit takes 20-30 minutes, depending on how long your rest breaks are in between exercises. You can do this pretty much anywhere – it requires no equipment and you don’t need shoes.

Off skates with Pyro – 6/29/14

Warmup (5 minutes)

Neck/shoulder/arm rolls

Windmill – stand in an A-frame, arms straight out to sides parallel to floor. Keeping arms straight bend and twist at waist to touch right toes with left hand. Return to start position and twist to touch left toes with right hand. Alternate for 20 seconds.

Marching, high knees, butt kicks

Balboas – jogging in place while shadowboxing high in the air as if punching a speedbag

10 jumping jacks

10 cross jacks (arms crossed in front instead of overhead)

10 squat jacks (sink into sumo squat with each jump)

Core (5-10 minutes)

Cat/cow for 15-20 sec to loosen the spine, then 30-60 seconds of each exercise with 10-15 sec rest in between.

Scorpions – On your stomach, elbows on ground, chest up – lift left leg and twist it across body so your toe taps the floor to the outside of your right leg. Return to start and alternate this cross-body motion on both sides, keeping upper body still and focusing on opening up hip flexors.

Elbow plank with alternating wide toe taps

Iron cross – Lie on your back with arms straight out to sides and legs wide. Lift right leg straight across body to meet opposite hand, and return to center. Alternate sides for x secs/reps, focusing on glutes, hips and hamstrings. (Iron cross can also be done standing as a dynamic warmup – kick leg up to meet opposite hand)

Around the world plank – one by one, lift and lower each limb slowly and with control in a clockwise fashion; reverse direction halfway through

Bridges – lie on back, knees bent, feet together, soles pressed into floor. Lift pelvis using core until torso and legs form a diagonal; squeeze glutes at the top. Keeping flutes engaged, slowly lower to floor. Repeat for 30-60 seconds.

Flutter kicks – lie on back, legs straight, hands under low back for support. Tuck pelvis and make tiny rapid fluttering kicks with feet, floating them just a few inches off the floor while keeping upper body flat on floor.

Balance (5 minutes with no rest – just keep alternating legs for each exercise)

Basic balance: stand on one foot and slowly swing the other leg forward and back to center; out to the side and back in; and behind you and back to center. Repeat for 30 seconds on each side.

Hip abduction: stand on one leg, raising other knee to waist height. Abduct your hip so that you “open the gate”, with your knee pointing out to the side…you’re gonna look a bit like you’ve got a lil’ Captain in ya…then slowly adduct so your knee points forward again. Stay on the same foot and slowly repeat this open/close motion for 30 seconds.

Single leg toe touch: stand on left foot, right foot hovering off ground in front of you. Bending @ waist, reach with right hand to touch left foot; stand up straight to complete rep. Keeping a slow, steady pace, repeat for 30 sec, then switch sides. (note: you can add a dumbbell to your toe-touching hand when you’re ready to progress this exercise)

Single leg squat with contralateral toe touch – as you squat on your right leg, touch the outside of your left foot with your right hand before standing straight up to complete one rep. Repeat for 30 seconds on each side.

Single-leg curtsy squat with front leg swing: shallow single leg squat, free leg bent back behind – as you stand, straighten leg and swing it in front of body, then behind for the next squat – repeat for 30 sec each side.

Cardio (5-10 minutes, depending on how long your intervals are)

Speed skaters

Mountain climbers

Reverse lunge with kick punch – from a standing position, step back with right foot into a reverse lunge. From this position, you’ll smoothly stand as you front kick with your right leg and punch the air in front of you with your left hand @ the same time. Put some oomph behind it! Repeat the lunge to kick-punch for 30 seconds on this side, then switch to lunge and kick with left leg as you punch with right hand for 30 seconds.

Burpees (or cross-climber burpees)

Bonus – if you are working out with a friend or a team, throw this in at the end for one last core/cardio exercise:

Partner leg throwdown: Lie on your back, head in front of your partner’s toes, and grasp their ankles/calves for support. You’ll lift your legs and they’ll throw them back down to the ground, alternating left, right or middle – your job is to use your core to stop your legs before they hit the ground, then immediately raise them for the next throw. Repeat for 60 seconds and switch.

Cooldown stretch (click for how-to)

Please let me know if you have any questions, if you enjoyed this workout and if you’d like to see more like this!

Offskates workout with ACRD

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Off skates with Pyro – 6/29/14

Warmup (5 minutes)

Neck/shoulder/arm rolls

Marching, high knees, butt kicks

Balboas – jogging in place while shadowboxing high in the air as if punching a speedbag

10 jumping jacks

10 cross jacks (arms crossed in front instead of overhead)

10 squat jacks (sink into sumo squat with each jump)

Core (5-10 minutes)

Cat/cow for 15-20 sec to loosen the spine, then 30-60 seconds of each exercise with 10-15 sec rest in between.

Elbow plank with alternating wide toe taps

Around the world plank – one by one, lift and lower each limb slowly and with control in a clockwise fashion; reverse direction halfway through

Balance (5 minutes with no rest – just keep alternating legs for each exercise)

Basic balance: stand on one foot and slowly swing the other leg forward and back to center; out to the side and back in; and behind you and back to center. Repeat for 30 seconds on each side.

Single leg deadlift: stand on left foot, right foot hovering off ground in front of you. Bending @ waist, reach with right hand to touch left foot; stand up straight to complete rep. Keeping a slow, steady pace, repeat for 30 sec, then switch sides.

Cardio (5-10 minutes, depending on how long your intervals are)

Speed skaters

Mountain climbers

Burpees (or cross-climber burpees)

Bonus – if you are working out with a friend or a team, throw this in at the end for one last core/cardio exercise:

Cooldown stretch

Please let me know if you have any questions, if you enjoyed this workout and if you’d like to see more like this!

Adventures with Internal Fixators – there IS life after ORIF!

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If you’re reading this blog post, you’re probably a roller derby athlete and/or a runner with a broken leg. At least, that’s my hope. Wait, allow me to rephrase that! I don’t wish broken limbs on anybody – but if you’re already broken, then you’re likely searching the web for tales of other skaters or runners who have been bolted back together. You want to know what your future with your newly bionic leg looks like. You want to know if you’ll skate or run or jump rope again. You’re probably even wondering whether to throw out all your high heels. You have questions! I may have answers.

I found myself in similar circumstances in June of 2007, when my left tibia/fibula shattered in 11 places. You can read about it here. Long story short: I have 2 plates, 17 screws & a stabilizing rod in my left ankle/calf. Due to the severity of the damage to both bones, none of that jazz can ever come out. I know some folks who have had plates or screws removed later in life, but this is what I’m working with for the long haul.

Pyrobot

My surgeon said that I’d probably always walk with a bit of a limp, that running was out of the question & that I certainly wouldn’t be able to play derby anymore. Looking back on it now, I think he was intentionally challenging me to prove him wrong. It worked. I played derby for 5 more years and have run two half-marathons and countless shorter races since. I’ll never be a pogo stick champion and I’ll always be able to tell you when the weather’s about to get cold, but overall, I’m a better athlete now than I was before I was injured.

It’s been nearly 7 years since my surgery, so I feel like I have a pretty decent grasp by now on what works and what doesn’t for recovery and beyond. Your mileage will vary, obviously, depending on your pain threshold and willingness to work beyond it. My observations:

While you’re still in your wheelchair or on crutches:

Take your pain pills on schedule, but only as long as you have to. Try alternative therapy if you can. There are plenty of natural pain relievers that won’t damage your body the way that NSAIDs and opioids can.
Sleep as much as humanly possible, then sleep some more – your body needs so much more sleep when it’s trying to heal. Your body also heals much more quickly if it’s not full of alcohol or crappy food, so don’t crawl into a bottle of whiskey like I did or eat your bodyweight in french fries.
Stay active so your general fitness level doesn’t slide completely off the rails. Unless you also have an upper body injury, you can lift weights while seated or lying down. Here’s the series I did during the three months where I was allowed to put zero weight on my left leg:

Seated: front and lateral arm raises, alternating hammer curls, single-arm concentration curls, overhead press, overhead tricep extension, bent over rows and bent over flyes

Lying on back on a yoga mat or bench: chest press, flyes, alternating rows, pullovers, isometric straight-arm holds

Start a journal or blog if you’re not keeping one already. Write about your entire experience while it’s fresh in your mind. You’ll someday be a completely different person than you are at this stage in your injury, and your story will motivate and inspire others if you choose to share it.
Stay involved with your league if you intend to return to derby. Volunteer as an NSO, brainstorm sponsorship opportunities, take notes for coaches on the sidelines. Even when it’s hard emotionally to watch others get to skate when you cannot, please know that you are setting a good example as a productive member of your league. You’re still making a difference. If you were an “I just want to skate” type before, maybe it’s time to rethink that mindset.
Now’s a good time to finish that book (and start a new series) or to learn how to crochet. Treat this less active time as a way to exercise your brain. You won’t get quite the same endorphin rush as a tempo run or a scrimmage, but your synapses will fire a lot harder if you’re doing something productive with them.

When you’re back on your feet (and you WILL be):

If you have the time/money/insurance to devote to physical therapy, I highly recommend it. If you are more of a DIY kind of athlete, then schedule your rehab exercises into your calendar and treat them like they’re PT appointments that cannot be missed. Yes, it’s boring and unpleasant, but rebuilding your balance and strength is crucial to preventing compensatory muscle imbalances (that can jack with your kinetic chain for years to come).
Single leg barefoot balance exercises are great for restoring your balance on foot, which will get you back on skates faster. (As soon as I can get somebody to take some pictures for me, I’ll post a balance workout that can be used to improve anybody’s single-leg strength and stability)
Strengthen your core. Not just your abs, but your hips too – your hips are part of your lumbo-pelvic hip complex (LPHC), the group of 29 muscles that make up your true core – where your center of gravity is located and where all movement originates (and in derby, it’s your wrecking ball). Weak hips will increase your risk for knee and (more) ankle injuries, and your kinetic chain is already working at a disadvantage now that your muscles/tendons/ligaments have to reform around foreign matter. I recommend bridges, planks, hip abduction (I lay on my side and do Jane Fonda-style leg lifts) and hip extension (supermans and scorpions factor heavily into my core workouts).

Returning to skating:

Since my injury, I’ve seen many skaters come back faster than I did, and I am always impressed at those who can flip that switch in their brain again so quickly. You know – the one that takes us from mortal to human wrecking ball. If you’ve been broken, you know that switch doesn’t flip as easily anymore. That is completely okay. Let me repeat that. IT IS OKAY TO BE SCARED TO PLAY DERBY AGAIN. It is wise to have a certain degree of fear/caution, because it helps you protect yourself as you heal.

Hopefully, your orthopedic specialist understands enough about your sport to have given you a realistic timeframe on when you can return to derby. (I give bout tickets to all of my doctors/trainers/PTs so they can see exactly what we do). My surgeon prescribed a month of non-contact skating before letting me jump back into contact. I had been so impatient to get back to blocking, but I found that I needed another four months for my scars to heal before I could stomach getting kicked in them. I reffed until I found myself craving a solid hip check. My league was very cool about letting me jump back into drills at practice when I was ready.

Talk to your trainers (and your doc and PT) when you’re ready so everyone understands where you are physically and mentally. Honest communication keeps expectations reasonable on both sides of that equation.

Returning to contact:

Getting kicked in the plates HURTS. I wore a neoprene brace for about a year – not because I felt it was protecting me from further damage (that metal isn’t going anywhere), but for the cushioning it provided in my skate boot and the extra layer of protection against contact to my scars and hardware.
Your metal ankle needs to warm up before you start skating. Do an active off-skates warm-up that includes some ankle circles, pointing and flexing, etc. Repeat these with your skates on, rolling on your good foot while you roll your bionic ankle around to let it get used to the weight of your skate.
Inflammation is normal – for over a year, my metal ankle became a cankle every time I worked out. All of those soft tissues are still trying to settle around the new hardware. Ice, anti-inflamatories and elevation are absolutely the best ways to hand this Going to the bar with your teammates after practice will not help. Go home and take care of yourself. Sleep.
If you have nerve damage, some of that stuff is going to eventually reroute and wake up in unpleasant ways. Buzzing, tingling, burning and throbbing are all normal. About 4 years after my surgery, I developed a neuroma near the bottom of the inner plate. It was basically just an angry little ball of hate that would bring me to my knees if you whispered near it. I experimented with a topical prescription numbing cream, got a few unspeakably unpleasant cortisone shots and eventually had a cobbler cut the side of my Reidell 395 low enough so that it didn’t rub Hateball.

The inner ankle of the left skate is cut low enough to fit below the implanted metal

Speaking of skates:

Your boot may not feel right anymore, and styles you coveted before may be wrong for you now. I thought Antiks would help support my ankle, but the high collar was excruciating. I had limited success with a Reidell 195, but the super-low ankles combined with my narrow heels made me curl my toes too much to try to grip, especially on crossovers (I jammed myself right out of my left skate once – so weird to adjust mid-crossover to having one sock foot). What eventually worked for me: Bonts. Oh, how I adore my Bonts. They’re like running shoes with wheels attached.

Speaking of shoes:

I had to rethink footwear after my surgery. Range of motion is limited in my ankle and every degree of angle change equates to more strain on my metal.

Stilettos and narrow, tall heels are out for me now, as they’re not stable enough. However, I have had excellent luck with Pink and Pepper heels – they have a wide base and stable ankle straps. Wedges are a better choice, but honestly, flats are probably going to feel better from now on. Whichever heel height you’re comfortable with, a cushioned insert can help absorb some of the impact you’ll feel on the metal.
Running shoes were also a trial and error experience for me – it’s hard to find shoe salespeople who are familiar with the special needs of the bionic runner. (I really should look into product testing for shoe companies – I think I’d be a good candidate and I could write reviews that might help other athletes) I used to be a minimalist runner, but my old Adida Adizeros and Nike Free didn’t have enough padding to absorb impact. Nike Lunarglide was a better choice, but my favorite shoe so far has been the Hoka Bondi. I plan to write a review on these shoes later this month. The extra cushioning absorbs impact, which means I can run farther and faster without pain. I am actually able to sprint in these, and I never thought I’d sprint again!

Hoka Bondi B is like running on fluffy clouds

Returning to running:

As with skating, returning to running was a slow process for me. Single-leg balance exercises helped strengthen my atrophied muscles, but it took awhile to get used to the sensation of impact. For the first half mile, I can tell you exactly where every screw is, particularly on cold mornings. An active warm-up routine (instead of static stretching) before you run helps tremendously. Build mileage slowly and ice after you run.

Other adventures – what works for me:

Yoga has been one of the best things to ever happen to post-surgery me. Yoga helped me restore my physical balance, gave me an emotional outlet for my frustration and made me more aware of what my body was capable of doing if I focused my energy.
An elliptical is a fantastic low-impact way to get your cardio in as long as you’re not on autopilot. Sprint intervals are more comfortable on an elliptical than a track when you have internal fixators. I like setting the ramp on mine to the highest incline so that it becomes a stair-stepper. (I miss climbing stairs with my travel teammates, but my knees can’t take the impact these days)
Swimming and water running: I spent a lot of my recovery time in my mom’s pool, walking through the water or running while wearing a floatation belt. (okay, it was my kid’s alligator floatie. Don’t judge.)

What’s not as fun for me now:

Crossfit (I KNOW) and anything with heavy plyometrics. I can jump rope, but it hurts. I can still do squat jumps and box jumps, but I land harder on my right foot to offset impact.
Tennis (side-to-side, quick movements aren’t friendly to rigid ankles)
Bottom line: You have to decide how much you’re comfortable hurting. If you’ve made it this far in your recovery, you’re probably pretty good at handling pain by now. Challenge your limits, but don’t beat yourself up if you move more slowly than you used to or can’t lift as much as before. You’re moving, and that’s pretty damn awesome.

Many thanks to you if you’ve made it through this ramble! Please feel free to ask me any questions about recovery/rehabilitation and whatnot. I’ll answer them in Life After ORIF Part II: Mom of Steel. I’ll also address some specific derby concerns, like re-learning to snowplow with limited range of motion. I’ll also talk about getting tattoos on top of scars/hardware, since that’s an adventure in itself.

How Roller Derby Saved my Life

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I originally wrote this on my league forum as a post for the fresh meat group I was coaching at the time. I shared it on Facebook later for a rec league group I was training, and by request I’m sharing it here now in its original entirety. I hope it continues to inspire and motivate aspiring derby athletes.

…………………………………..

I’ve been meaning to put this out here for awhile – I posted it on my league board recently in a nutrition and fitness thread for my freshies. There aren’t a lot of old guard left who remember what my life was like when I first joined Assassination City & I don’t want anyone to ever assume that I’ve always been who and what I am, because it’s taken a lot of hard work to get here.

This will be really, really long, so bear with me. I talk a lot. Plus, I’m a narcissist who needs visual aids to fully illustrate the changes my body has gone through, so you get pics too.

I was small (unhealthily so, but that’s a confession for another time) until I hit my early 20s, then birth control (& later fertility meds – oh, the irony) + eating way too much crappy food + sitting at a desk all day reshaped me. I weighed about 155 when I finally became pregnant with Victoria – then I put on 63 pregnancy pounds. Yeah, that’s not a typo. I’m 5’4″ & I weighed 218lbs when I checked into the hospital. That’s over twice the size I was when I met V’s dad. Some of it was the swelling from pre-eclampsia, but most of it was the fact that I used pregnancy as an excuse to eat everything in sight (mostly processed garbage & greasy fast food) & I told myself that walking the dog was actually real exercise.

Here’s what I looked like pregnant (with my best friend Jackie O’NiceAss @ her baby shower):

Our kids were born two days apart.

And right after I had V (rare pic of natural haircolor):

V had severe GERD, which took a trip to the emergency rom and several specialists and procedures to diagnose. Sickly, unhappy new baby + scary new body and wild hormones did a number on my self-esteem, so I spent the first 4 months of V’s life in misery on so many levels. I didn’t realize at the time I had PPD, but I can see now how bad it really was. I felt very alone and I needed an outlet.

When V was about 4 months old, Jackie O & I started talking about roller derby again. We’d heard about it for the first time @ the baby shower where the above pic of us was taken & we had made a pact that we would join after we had our babies. After researching local leagues, I attended a DDD bout one weekend and an ACRD bout the next. Dude, I was hooked within the first 2 jams. It was pure awesome. I contacted ACRD about 2 hours after their bout & joined within the next month (summer of ’06).

My skating background: rink rat as a kid + speed team when I realized that skating was faster than running (I’ve loved running since I learned how to do it). I hadn’t been on skates in 17 years, though. I went to a public session the day before my first practice and rented a pair of brownies. I was on the floor for 15 mins when a 12 year old asked me to teach her how to cross on the corners, so I guess it came back to me pretty fast. Muscle memory amazes me.

First practice: I lasted 45 minutes. I was so out of shape! I’d been walking every day & had progressed to light jogging again since I had V, so I was probably down to 185 when I strapped on my skates. My bad knee hated me because of all of the weight I was forcing down on it. The coach was less than kind about my inability to keep up, the veterans blatantly ignored me and I felt so far out of my element physically and socially. Fortunately, Gloria Vanderbitch sat down next to me during a water break and within two sentences became one of my best friends for life – so I swallowed my pride and fears, stuck around and came back the next week. I made it through the entirety of the next practice & every practice after that, & soon my body and mind began to transform.

In my first year of derby, I lost about 25 pounds…I didn’t do much else besides skate. I was eating less, but still eating like crap – my first home team, La Revolucion, used to get bourbon & pancakes @ this dive bar called Bandera after every practice. Not exactly the best post-exercise nutrition. Still, I was a pretty decent jammer & I used my size to my advantage – but more importantly, a year of hanging out with a group of strong, beautiful, confident women who come in all shapes & sizes reshaped my self-image & helped me love myself again.

La Rev Py

I shattered my leg (11 breaks in the tibia/fibula) on June 6 of ’07 – had surgery June 11 (2 plates, 17 screws and one stabilizing rod), attended the pre-bout party in a wheelchair on June 15, & went to the bout + separated from the Giant on June 17. It was a busy, fuzzy week of pain and confusion. The Divorce Diet will make you drop weight fast, but I don’t recommend it – nor do I recommend crawling into a bottle of whiskey for a year, which is what I did. Weight fell off to the point that people were asking if I was doing coke. (I was not. I was just drinking myself to death.) I think I was probably 112 @ my skinniest – West Texas flung me around the rink in July of ’08 (my first bout back as a skater) like a rag doll.

EAT SOMETHING.

** Around this time, I started practicing yoga + meditating every day. I needed to regain my balance in every sense of the word. Yoga changed a lot about my life for the better – I cannot say enough good things about practicing on a regular basis. I healed physically, mentally & spiritually through yoga. It made me more mindful of every bite I put in my mouth, every drink I took, every minute wasted in a bar or stuffing my face in front of the TV that could have been filled with something meaningful & productive. I also started keeping a journal, which made it easier to track whether I was stress-eating or forgetting to eat bc I’d drank too much. A journal shines so much light on what’s going on inside you, & that helps shape the outside. **

I sprained my right ankle in Dec ’08 but kept skating on it in pain ’til about Feb ’09. I do NOT recommend that – if you have an inversion sprain, get off your skates & heal. I opted for 3x per wk physical therapy bc I wanted to recover as quickly as possible. Physical therapy strengthened both ankles, plus it helped build some muscle in my legs (stability exercises are SO good for your entire lower body & core). It made me feel stronger, & I love feeling strong! I started running again (a slow and painful process with nuts’n’bolts in my leg, but it is possible to run again if you have been broken and rebuilt) & I bought a couple of circuit-training DVDs featuring HIIT (high intensity interval training, which is the quickest way to get in bad-ass shape). I highly recommend Jackie Warner’s DVDs – she will destroy you in a very short amount of time. The key is to understand that exercise is supposed to be uncomfortable to some degree – you have to sweat to burn fat & build muscle.

After a year of lifting @ home, Smack the Ripper talked me into joining her gym in May ’10 – I hired a personal trainer & fell in love with her job, so I started the NASM PFT program in July ’10 & started hitting the weights & Stairmaster hard. I received my NASM PFT certification in April of ’11 and have since added several specialized certifications to my arsenal of training knowledge.

So, to make a short story very, very long, that’s why your off skates warmups are so intense – and that’s why I now look like this:

I’m impressed if you made it through that long ramble. I feel a bit as if I’ve exposed my soft underbelly to you all, figuratively & literally. I work my ass off on the daily because I know I’m never going to be a final product – I’m always a work in progress. We all are. I take my nutrition one day @ a time, focusing on eating clean 95% of the time & I don’t beat myself up if I eat a yummy fatty treat every now & then (although once I started eating clean, I stopped craving sugar and fat as much – I’m repulsed by fast food and most processed crap now). I break a sweat @ least once a day – cardio is good for the body, heart, mind, soul. Cardio is good working meditation for people who can’t hold still for long (like me). Lifting weights makes me feel powerful – that power carries over into life outside the gym and off the track. Lean muscle burns fat even when we’re asleep, so my body is a self-maintaining machine. I quit drinking on Nov 1, 2009 and I don’t miss it @ all. I realize I am an extreme case and your mileage may vary – I don’t expect anyone to quit drinking or enjoying an occasional piece of cake – I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal, so it works for me.

Bottom line out of all of this, the one point to take home with you – derby can change your life in many positive & amazing ways, but it’s only the beginning of being truly fit & healthy. Think of derby as the gateway drug to lifetime fitness and health. Derby practice alone will not turn us into powerful lean machines – we have to put hard work in to get great results out of what we do every day. That daily hard work will show up on the track and in every other aspect of our lives.

Thank you for listening.

How a homeless pibble rescued me

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A few months ago, we added a member to the Pie pack & our lives changed forever. I talk about her constantly on Facebook, but I wanted to share her story with our family/friends who don’t spend every waking minute checking my updates. This is the story of Ginger, my snuggly little rescue girl.

I was leaving the skating rink after helping Assassination City run offseason tryouts, saying my goodbyes & trying not to cry (I’d retired from contact a few weeks earlier due to a spine injury & I was still pretty emotional about it). When I reached the parking lot, Salem was petting a dog who’d wandered up to her: a small female pit bull wearing an ill-fitting collar, no tags. She was emaciated, engorged with milk and covered in disturbingly symmetrical & deliberately placed wounds and scars of varying size all over her body and head. The burn between her beautiful butterscotch eyes (about the diameter of a cigar or car lighter) was almost more than I could bear to look at.

If asked what caliber of man my husband is, I can answer the question with the following exchange. I called Micah & said, “baby, we found a lost dog & I don’t know what to do. She looks like somebody’s been hurting her.” Without hesitation, he replied, “bring her home & we’ll take her to the vet in the morning.” I would’ve married him again on the spot.

Deathcake & I loaded the dog into my backseat, plying her with peanut butter provided by Castro. I spoke to her in a soft voice the whole way home, calming us both and gathering my strength as I rambled about her getting to meet my family. I had no idea how she and Duchess would react to each other. Duchess is a very friendly dog, but she’s spoiled, easily excitable and was a week away from having knee surgery. I didn’t want her to get too wild and I didn’t want our guest to feel threatened.

I needn’t have worried – this little dog was so shellshocked & timid that she barely reacted to Duchess. She ate two bowls of food, curled up on the couch close to me & fell promptly asleep. While she snoozed, I cruised rescue sites online, seeing hundreds of pitties in need of homes – no homes eagerly looking for abandoned/abused pibbles, though. I looked over @ her about two hours into our new adventure & told Micah, “her name is Ginger.” He just nodded in agreement and said, “yeah, it is.” We both knew she was ours pretty much the minute I brought her in the door.

The next morning, we took her to our vet, who confirmed that she had no microchip. I wouldn’t have returned her if there had been identification, though. Nearly all of Ginger’s injuries were inflicted by a human. She had some bites around her muzzle & on her hocks, but the majority of the wounds – scroll on past this bit if you are as sensitive to animal cruelty as I am – were burns, razor slashes & welts from a belt or cord. Her tail had been fractured near the base and had healed a bit crooked.

Our vet estimated that Ginger was around 2 years old, had possibly been used as a bait dog, and was almost certainly dumped shortly after whelping a litter (seems to be common in this area). I still think about those puppies and worry about where they ended up.

Sweet Ginger was covered in fleas and hosting a bevy of parasites, including heartworms & roundworms. The next couple of months were spent treating our little hostess with the mostest for her various issues – we’re still waiting for the all-clear on the heartworms, but she’s past the hardest parts.

The next couple of months were also spent working through her attachment issues, separation anxiety, housebreaking and general training. In the beginning, loud noises & sudden movements scared her. She watched us very closely to see if we’d hurt her, but she never hid from me or cringed away from my touch. She became my shadow, following me everywhere & snuggling in bed with me when I was laid up with migraines/neck pain. She fell in love with our kiddo & Duchess.

Her wounds have healed & her fur has almost completely grown back over the scars. She’s also about 30 pounds heavier & pretty darned content.

She still has moments of apprehension, particularly when she senses anger. I find myself saying, “it’s okay” to her and smiling a lot, which has a calming effect on both of us. In general, she has made me a calmer, more patient person.

I can’t help but feel that Ginger came into my life at exactly the right time. And I can’t get over the fact that she is exactly the kind of dog I would’ve chosen if I could have hand-picked her personality. It’s like we were meant for each other. It breaks my heart to speculate on what sort of hell she lived through before she found us, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to make the rest of her life as heavenly as I can.

Pinkify Your Hair – How to Keep Your Color Vibrant

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October seems like a great time to reblog this article, since I am asked nearly every day of the month whether I dyed my hair for breast cancer awareness month. I usually respond that I am aware and support the cause every day and through multiple events, but that I just make the most sense in October. I will say this – if you want every spectator at Race for the Cure to cheer wildly for you (and for a few to request pictures after), then pink up that mane, darlin’. What’s aberrant 11 months of the year is celebrated for 31 days.

One-Exercise Workouts: the Cross-Climber Burpee

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I’m a big fan of timesaving, full-body workouts that can be done virtually anywhere with no equipment. Seriously, there are ZERO excuses to skip a workout with that kind of resume. My favorites include core work, cardio and plyometrics to keep me in top form for derby and running.

I call this a One-Exercise Workout, but it’s really a couple of exercises blended together into one super ass-kicker. Push through these as hard and as fast as you can while maintaining your form – make sure you’re landing lightly and if you feel a sudden or sharp pain, stop immediately. These are not for the faint of heart, so be ready to ache afterward – but the results are absolutely worth the burn. Plus, as soon as you’re done with the set, you’re done with your workout – simple, huh?

Cross-Climber Burpee:

Start position: standing straight, legs together, arms by sides, shoulders back.

Drop to a crouch, hands on the floor slightly in front of your feet.

Jump feet back to land in plank position.

Holding your plank, pick up right leg and twist lower body to tap right knee against left elbow. Return to center and repeat on left side, tapping left knee to right elbow.

Return to plank (if you’re feeling particularly masochistic, you can throw in a push-up at this point) and hop legs back into a crouch.

From here, you’re going to spring up into the air! Jump up as high as you can…arms outstretched over your head if you have the ceiling room, or clasped behind your head if your Hobbit house was built in the 1950s like mine. Imagine your legs as springs, propelling you to the ceiling.

Land lightly in a crouch – that’s one rep! Shoot those legs back out into a plank and hit it again!

As for sets, play around with what works for your timeframe. When I’m rushed for time, I like to do mine Tabata-style – 20 seconds of 100% effort as I do as many as I can as quickly as possible, followed by 10 seconds of rest and repeated 8 times. That’s a 4 minute workout that hits every muscle while increasing my endurance, boosting my metabolism and making my butt look fantastic in shiny shorts. You can’t beat that with a bat.

Plyometrics and sock derby

Our rec league, Internal Affairs, accepts new skaters at the first 2 practices of every month. These intake practices usually focus on basic on-skates skills – stops, falls, crossovers and all of the other little details that make an athlete proficient on her skates.

The problem with this structure is that it takes some skaters several months to actually play the sport – and as anyone who’s played roller derby can attest, you spend your first year of contact figuring out what you’re doing besides just turning left and bouncing off of people. We spend so much time teaching people to pass their minimum skills assessments that we don’t always get to teach them actual gameplay ‘til much later.

Then there’s the fact that many new skaters haven’t built up their fast-twitch muscle fibers yet. Fast-twitch fiber is crucial for explosive, powerful movement, but it’s hard to develop those fibers on skates – your wheels don’t provide enough resistance with the ground to build the muscles you need to skate the way you want to.

So tonight, we did things a bit differently. I ran a full hour of cardio/endurance, plyometrics, agility, blocking/timing drills and scrimmage completely on foot. Then we geared up and rolled for real for the last 30 minutes.

My thoughts: it mostly went exactly as planned. I had to cut the skating time a bit because we spent so much time offskates (I originally promised only 30 minutes on foot), but we needed it. I watched lightbulbs come on over several heads as the stress of trying to figure out how to skate was removed and my girls could just concentrate on gameplay. Some of my freshest meat are the hardest hitters with the best timing when on foot! It was enlightening and I can’t wait to try it again.

Here is the workout in its entirety. Let me know if you have any questions or would like clarifications on any exercises or drills.

What you’ll need for this workout: a rink or other flat area to run across, preferably with a derby track already clearly marked; an agility ladder (if you don’t have one, you can use duct tape or chalk to make one on the floor/ground); shoes or socks you can run and hop in; jerseys and helmet covers.

Dynamic warm-up: neck/shoulder/arm circles, windmill toe touches, butt kicks, high knees, standing iron cross, inchworm/dogwalk series [toe touch, inchworm out to downward dog; alternate bending and straightening legs to stretch calves and hamstrings. Lift each leg and draw circles in both directions in the air before walking hands back in to toetouch, then slowly roll up, one vertebra at a time, ‘til you’re standing up straight].

Plyometrics and conditioning:

Side-step squats – step right and squat, back to neutral, then left and squat – repeat for 30 sec

Mohawk squats – legs wide, toes pointed out – down on a 2 count, up on 2 count for 30 sec

Crossover steps – (three lateral steps, then reverse direction by springing off outside foot) – start slowly, speed up – 30 sec

Speed skaters for 30 sec – mountain climbers for 30 sec

Agility ladder – one in, two in, two up one back, out in, ali shuffle (both sides)

Quick feet to burpee – jog down rink – quick feet to burpee – side shuffle back

Quick feet to burpee – skip down rink – quick feet to burpee – side shuffle opposite side back

WATER

Discussion and demonstration: legal blocking zones

Partner up for squat bumps – standing still, hip to hip – get low and pop up – 30 sec each side

Stagger partners so that one is behind and slightly to the side of the other – have partner in back step around partner in front, first gaining position, then using hip/booty to make contact – switch positions after a minute on each side

Blocking/timing drill: Snake line in center of track – person in back comes up outside and each person hipchecks them to outside – then hipcheck up inside – have them walking quickly with light feet (“scampering”)

Stop line – number off, grab jerseys and panties

Sock derby: 4-6 jams – play full 5 on 5, with penalties served by doing 10 push-ups, then rejoining pack – stop in between jams to answer questions, repeat rules, etc

WATER

Put on skates

Partner snake drill: skate in pairs through double line, focusing on matching speed and timing your cuts – use verbal communication and touch your partner’s hips or thighs to stay close.

Blocking/timing drill: single paceline on track – skater in back comes up outside and each skater in line hipchecks them to outside – then come up inside – do both sides twice. Focus on not cutting the track as a jammer and staying in-bounds as a blocker.

Truck and trailer demo: how to swing off your partner’s hips to block jammer

Partner up – practice swinging off each other’s hips, skating around derby track (choose a couple of jammers to dummy-jam through a few times, then pass the panties off to another pair)

Cooldown laps – opposite direction

Cooldown stretch

Natural Pain Relievers by Pyro Maim Ya

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Given how sore I am today, it feels apropos to reblog this article I wrote last year about my favorite natural pain relievers.

Originally posted at http://hexchromosome.tumblr.com/post/32518634338/natural-pain-relievers-by-pyro-maim-ya

High performance, high attitude athletic apparel for the alternative athlete

NATURAL PAIN RELIEVERS BY PYRO MAIM YA

Natural Pain Remedies by Pyro Maim Ya of Pynk Fitness

[or as my daughter calls them, “Mommy’s hippie medicines”]

I’m not a big fan of painkillers. Well, I take that back. I was a HUGE fan of painkillers after my leg surgery, along with whiskey and poor decisions in general. These days, my body is a gaudily decorated temple that I’m nourishing as naturally as possible – I really don’t even like to take OTC painkillers anymore. I’m an old busted-up derby gal though, so the need for pain management frequently arises. When it does, I’m really thankful to have these supplements on hand.

Most of these are anti-inflammatories, just like your over the counter drug of choice. They’re also mood boosters, which helps when you’re hurtin’. It’s important to note that the simplest remedies – rest, ice and elevation – are also frequently the most effective remedies, so please add those to your pain treatment plan for best results.

[Standard boilerplate disclaimer: I’m not your nutritionist or your doctor, I can’t prescribe or diagnose or cure anything, blah blah blah, purple giraffes and David Bowie. I’m just a trainer with a big mouth who likes the vitamin section @ Whole Foods a LOT.]

Turmeric: I already knew turmeric was pretty much the most awesome spice on the rack after I successfully treated a staph infection with it a couple of years ago. It’s an antiseptic and antimicrobial, so it’s great for disinfecting wounds and treating infections. I didn’t realize until recently what a powerful pain reliever it is too. The active ingredient curcumin in turmeric lowers the levels of enzymes in the bodies that cause inflammation. Research has shown its positive impact on rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis and other inflammatory skin conditions and even depression. You can find either turmeric or curcumin in supplement form – I take a brand called Curamin that I found at Central Market. I also eat a lot of curry and frequently throw a little turmeric into meat rubs, stews, eggs and roasted veggies.

Fish Oil: Most of the health benefits of fish oil can be attributed to fish oil’s omega 3 essential fatty acids – and the health benefits are numerous. Fish oil is an antidepressant and an anti-inflammatory that is useful in treating anxiety, ADD/ADHD, arthritis and cardiovascular diseases, to name a few. It also helps your body burn more fat when you exercise – and a lighter frame equals less pressure on your joints. I take fish oil supplements daily and try to eat salmon or tuna 2-3 times a week. It’s a great excuse to splurge on sushi. Flaxseed and walnuts also contain small amounts of the omega 3 ALA, so they provide some of the same benefits.

Green tea: Besides lowering your risk for cancer and heart disease, green tea is a powerful anti-inflammatory. Its antioxidant properties help boost your immune system, which can speed your healing time if you’re injured or under the weather. (Squeeze in some lemon, lime or orange for a dose of Vitamin C.)

Bromelain: Bromelain, an enzyme compound, is an effective inflammation reduction agent that also inhibits some types of tumor growth. One of the best natural sources of bromelain is pineapple, which further supports inflammation reduction with its high vitamin C content. Extracts of bromelain have proven to be as effective as some non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs. There is evidence that bromelain supplements may reduce swelling, bruising, inflammation and pain after surgery and injury. A topical form of bromelain is even being used experimentally for burns.

Quercetin: Quercetin is a flavonoid with antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. The real magic, though, is in its analgesic effect on nerves. By boosting production of nerve-relaxing nitric oxide and elevating serotonin levels, quercetin enables nerves to naturally feel less pain. I’ve noticed it gives me more energy, more endurance and more overall muscle strength – I don’t feel fatigued during bouts or workouts when I’m taking it regularly. It has worked wonders for friends with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, and while poking around online I found a study that showed how quercetin significantly improved recovery after spinal cord injury. It’s found in onions, apples, berries, grapes, broccoli and squash, or you can buy it in pill form at GNC or most health food stores.

Capsaicin: Magnum’s gonna say that I’m using this article as an excuse to eat spicy foods, but there’s a method to my madness that goes beyond my love for anything that tastes like burning. Capsaicin is the active component in chili peppers and is an irritant that produces a burning sensation in anything it touches, causing the brain to release endorphins that can produce a state of euphoria for heat-seekers like me. Capsaicin temporarily desensitizes pain-prone skin nerve receptors, which makes it effective in topical creams. It also interferes with pain signals to the brain, which can translate to increased endurance and less muscle fatigue for athletes.

Cherries: Tart cherries may relieve pain better than aspirin, according to a recent study. Their anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties may help relieve arthritis and gout pain while protecting the body against cardiovascular disease – cherries can even help inhibit the growth of tumors. Plus they taste AMAZING, especially this time of year. I’ve noticed lately that I constantly crave cherries – I think my body is crying out for the Vitamin A and potassium for their bruise-healing properties and the vitamin B-6 for its natural energy boost.

Glucosamine: Glucosamine is proven to slow progression of osteoarthritis of the knee – studies show it works as well as or better than ibuprofen, but with fewer side effects. In four 2005 studies that gave glucosamine sulphate versus NSAIDs, the glucosamine worked better in two, and was equivalent to the NSAIDs in the other two. I used to take a glucosamine/chondroitin/MSM blend GNC makes called Triflex, but I recently started using Instaflex and love it even more (it has glucosamine and MSM + other natural pain relievers like turmeric, cayenne pepper, ginger and boswellia).

Olive oil: The key ingredient here isoleocanthal, which is chemically related to ibuprofen (though it has none of the negative side effects ibuprofen does). This is SUCH a lovely excuse to dip a crusty chunk of bread into a nice dish of high-quality extra virgin olive oil, don’t you think?

Positive visualization: Yes, you absolutely read that right. I believe firmly in the power of the mind – what we think, we become. Look, circumstances are what they are. You’re in pain and that’s stressing you out, but you can control how you react to that. Close your eyes, take several deep breaths and picture yourself pain-free, injury-free, and rockin’ the track (or the gym or your knitting needles or the pole or whatever it is that you rock so very hard when you are able-bodied and feeling sassy). It helps to have to have some like-minded friends who will also send good thoughts your way (my dear friend Stevie Nicks & Licks has sent healing vibes out to me more times than I can count, for which I am ever grateful). If you’re more into prayer you can definitely do that too – whatever works for you. The important thing is focusing on the belief that you WILL be 100% again very soon. I’m more than happy to send my own hippie-ass healing vibes to anyone who needs them – I have plenty to go around! You can also try guided imagery, yoga or meditation – all have measurable effects on your stress response to pain.

Have you ever used one of these natural solutions before? Did it work for you?